Marijuana doesn’t harm ability to look shady, say experts

Marijuana doesn’t harm ability to look shady, say expertsIn what’s being called good news for cannabis enthusiasts and a boon to the marijuana industry, a new study has determined that consuming the plant, even in large quantities, does not diminish the ability to look shady.

“Slovenly individuals with dirty fingernails, scary red eyes and hollow gazes can enjoy cannabis without fearing they’ll start looking dependable and of sound moral judgement,” said Vineet Bhagat, a BYU sociology professor who conducted the study.

He believes the news will be reassuring to people with an inborn talent for hanging out on street corners and making passersby feel uncomfortable.

“If you possess the natural gift of repelling strangers and making them sense that you wish to kick their shins and steal their belongings, don’t worry because smoking pot, even on a daily basis with help of a bong, will not take that away,” Bhagat said. “You’ll still be able to walk into a crowded bus shelter and get the bench all for yourself.”

“Also, if you start smoking pot, annoying people at bars and coffee shops are not going to suddenly want to strike up conversation with you,” he added. “You’ll still be able to enjoy your very public solitude. The force field that seems to protect you from spontaneous conversation will remain, I can assure you of that.”

Cannabis advocates are lauding the study, saying it’s a refreshing change from of decades of misleading PSAs that claimed smoking pot could give you a trustworthy sheen — and in the worst case scenario, land you a managerial position in a large company.

“I grew up in the 80s when all those commercials on TV that were like, yeah, if you smoke weed, you’re going to end up like Donald Trump with hotels and money and influence and stuff,” said Randall “Toker” Braun, 41, who peers say is the sort of guy you wouldn’t even ask to watch your dog while you went to pee.

“Turns out that’s all bullshit,” he said. “I looked shady as fuck when I first starting smoking up in high school, and 25 years and a thousand bags later, I still look so shady that I don’t even trust myself.”