“Sure, technically, the Chicago Cubs won four games out of seven, but we actually had the same number of runs during those seven games, 27 each — too close to call,” said Cleveland Indians assistant manager Jerry Mancona. “We should have never conceded.”
“You look at the total number of hits during the regular season, and we beat them by nine,” he continued. “That says a lot more than just whatever happened during those last seven ‘battleground games’ as we call them, which everyone knows are statistically insignificant anyway.”
“And let’s not even get into stolen bases, because that says it all,” he added. “Over the regular season, we stole 134 to Chicago’s 66. The only way we’ll ever know the real winner is by conducting a careful recount of every last stat compiled during the entire 2016 season.”
As of Friday, more than a million fans had signed an MLB.com petition calling for commissioner Rob Manfred to strip the Cubs of their title as this year’s champions and hand it to the more deserving Indians. A spokesperson for Manfred says that while the league is opposed on principle to retroactively changing the 113-year-old playoff rules, it does seem awfully democratic.