House approves bipartisan bill for Trump Aversion Therapy

 

Trump Aversion TherapyIn an unusual show of unity, House Republicans joined Democrats in a 421-2 vote to pass the Trump Aversion Therapy Act, which would allocate $300 million towards the rehabilitation of Trump supporters using the controversial Trump Aversion Therapy technique.

The measure’s sponsor, Rep. Richard Whiteman (D-Ohio), said the bill would provide cash incentives to those willing to be rehabilitated.

Details of the therapy have not been released, but sources confirm the Trump Aversion Therapy (TAT) would include the administration of the nausea-inducing drug apomorphine while participants watch Fox News’s Sean Hannity, read stories on Breitbart News, and of course, view clips of Donald Trump’s campaign rallies.

Additionally, TAT snap bands will be distributed to program participants with instructions to snap their wrists while repeating the following phrases: Make America Great Again; she destroyed her emails; but what about Benghazi; but look at what Bill Clinton did; and, I’ll date her in ten years.

Sources say electroconvulsive therapy has not been ruled out, possibly being reserved for Trump’s female followers, clearly in the most need of help.

Rehabilitation measures will include sensory reattachment therapy. In this phase of the treatment, participants will dine on a gluten-free meal of sea scallops tartare, mushroom risotto, and grilled wild French turbot, while sipping a California sauvignon blanc, as they enjoy marathon viewing sessions of Rachel Maddow, Beyonce’s “Lemonade,” and a video feed of the Broadway hit “Hamilton.”

Rep. Bob Christian (R-Fla.), who co-authored the legislation, said, “We hope this will be seen as an olive branch to our Democratic peers,” and then added, “and if we have any hope of ever electing a Republican candidate again — someone who is likely more reprehensible but who hides it better — we need to rid the party of this undesirable, say-exactly-what-we’re-all-thinking type element.”

Bunny McGillicuty is a first-time contributor to the Dandy Goat