Hipster to ‘ironically’ vote for Trump

Hipster to vote for Trump, but ‘ironically’ A 31-year-old hipster from Chicago has confirmed that he is going to vote for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, but that he’s only going to do so “ironically.”

“At first I was, like, going for Bernie [Sanders], but then all my friends started turning into Sandernistas, so I was like, okay that’s boring now,” said artisan donut shop employee Thom Paulson, who owns a cat named Reginald Henrick van Furrybrow IV and was the first of his friends to get a barcode tattoo nearly 12 years ago.

“Then I was like, okay, everybody hates Hillary, so it would be really original to start supporting her, because, she’s like so old and out of touch, so I did the Hillary thing awhile,” he said. “But now my Sandernista friends are all like, rah, rah, Hillary, first woman president, blah blah, anything to stop Trump, so I’m like, okay, I’ve been saying that since last year.”

“This alt-folk guitarist from Finland and I were talking, and he was like, literally everyone in your country hates Donald Trump, so we started wondering what it would be like to, like, be at a party and say, hey, I’m voting for Trump, and then not crack a smile or anything for like the whole night, till the end when everyone’s all upset and then be like, just joking.”

“Then, I met this chick at a bar in Wicker, and we started talking about music and our favorite bad 80s sitcoms, and then she was like, I love the 80s, and I’m voting for Trump, all serious-like. At first I was like, you’re full of shit, but then she didn’t waver, and the next time I saw her, she was wearing a Trump t-shirt. She’s really into it.”

“I’m thinking that I should start telling people that I support Trump too, because I don’t know anyone else who is saying that right now,” he added. “Yeah, I’ll totally vote for him. Wouldn’t that be so ironic?”