He Pinched The Wrong Woman’s Butt. Now He’s In Hot Water.

Butt pincher beach Upworthy Buzzfeed parodyNEHALEM BAY, Oregon — On Friday, a dungeness crab named Justin wandered onto the towel of beachgoer Kimberly Chabot, who was swimming in the bay. After the 32-year-old dashed to her towel to soak up the sun’s warming rays, she placed her butt on the ground and was immediately pinched by Justin’s spiny claws. “Hey, what the hell,” she said, leaping up. Upon learning she had sat on a crab, her shock turned to delight, as she and her son had spent much of the previous day unsuccessfully crabbing at a nearby dock. “Aiden, honey, get the bucket,” she said. “Quick.” Later that evening, the mother and son would argue about how long to boil Justin. During dinner, their hard feelings turned to laughter, however, as they struggled to break apart the shell and claws, eventually giving up and settling on leftover turkey sandwiches.

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That’ll teach you to keep your claws to yourself.