Friend who followed Precambrian Diet turns into trilobite

trilobiteCHICAGO – Tom, a friend of yours from high school and follower of the popular Precambrian Diet, has turned into a trilobite, say sources close to the 29-year-old. No cause has been determined for the sudden anatomical transformation of the Chicago musician who ceaselessly talked about his diet based on sulphur-eating bacteria and other plankton that thrive near the ocean floor.

Family members have not determined what to do with Tom, who, in search for the most ancient food sources, switched from a paleolithic “caveman” diet last year, saying it was too modern for a physiology that evolved to digest mostly prokaryotes and microscopic crustaceans. What is also uncertain is if Tom can live comfortably in nearby Lake Michigan or if he will need to be transported to a saltwater habitat.