Ferry accident your fault, say Malaysian police

A ferry accident in Malaysia in which 14 people were killed is your fault, the police report states. No matter how innocent or unconnected you think you are, you are to blame.

While you were at home preparing eggplant dip in your tiny apartment in Vancouver, you unwittingly caused this disaster, according to the report. It goes on to suggest that you should pay for your negligence in some way, whether by serving a prison term, giving up your firstborn to a now-childless Malaysian couple, or paying an indemnity to the families of the boat victims.