FBI: Magazine publishes nude photos of mentally incapacitated woman-child

Azealia Banks in Playboy: FBI investigating - satire, parodyNEW YORK — The FBI is investigating claims that Playboy magazine has published nude photos of a female described as a “mentally incapacitated woman-child” who lacks the requisite intelligence to legally consent, according to sources from the agency’s child exploitation division.

Azealia Banks, a 23-year-old native of New York City who works in the entertainment industry, appears in the April 2015 issue. She is described by her caretakers as “very good at music” but being “a few cherries short of a pie.”

Former FBI psychologist Susan Perez says that even if Banks appears to be of sound mind simply because she knows how to use Twitter and can navigate a stage without getting lost, that doesn’t mean Banks is legally an adult.

“If you listen carefully to Ms. Banks speaking, you’ll realize she’s not all there,” Perez said. “Her mind is a battlefield where non sequiturs, gibberish, and bits of hip-hop lyrics all fight for dominance so that they can be released from the cage.”

A spokesperson for Playboy defends the photos, saying that the real point was to draw attention to the plight of the nation’s estimated 100,000 mentally challenged celebrities. Sources claim that the photos are accompanied by the transcript of an interview in which the musician struggles to form coherent thoughts, and upon giving up, just idiotically babbles for several minutes until the interviewer senses she is being put on and leaves the room.