‘Django Unchained’ star defends right of celebrities to give public blowjobs

Daniele Watts parody / spoofLOS ANGELES — Standing up for all stars who wish to have sex in public, “Django Unchained” actress Danièle Watts is lashing out against Los Angeles police for disrupting her in the middle of performing fellatio while parked in a car.

Watts was innocently giving oral pleasure to fellow celebrity Brian Lucas, also known as Chef BeLive, in a Mercedes, when two obviously ignorant police officers briefly detained them, mistaking the couple for regular citizens.

Once the officers determined the two were indeed famous, the couple was let go, but not before Watts was handcuffed and generally treated like “some everyday fucking plain Jane who doesn’t have at least 34 serious acting credits listed on IMDB,” according to the star.

In an audio recording of the incident, Watts can be heard trying to help the officers, informing them, “I have a publicist” — a clear indication she was within her celebrity rights. Instead, they refused to ask for an autograph. Also, they didn’t even inquire as to what it’s like working under legendary director Quentin Tarantino.

Watts says she may never recover from the trauma of being mistaken as someone unexceptional.

“Those pricks acted like I was just some poor waitress blowing her blue-collar boyfriend after he got digging a trench for a few bucks,” she said.

“An affront to me is an affront to celebrities everyone,” she added. “I ask all you A-listers to join me in a national day of protest by gathering in public and screwing the living hell out of each other.”

Legal analysts say Watts has solid ground for a lawsuit, as L.A. cops are trained to spot the differences between celebrities and regular people.

“A respected actress quietly sucking off her famous boyfriend on a public street is perfectly within their celebrity rights,” says renowned lawyer Mark Geragos. “If we don’t defend those rights, we’re no better than repressive countries like North Korea where celebrities are treated like everyone else, if not worse.”