Clinton and staff fly to next stop

Hillary Clinton private jet flanked by dragons and bats NEW YORK — Amid loud proclamations that her Democratic rival is all but vanquished, a beaming Hillary Clinton departed from New York on Wednesday, celebrating her primary win in the state and promising to devour remaining delegates “like a griffin plucking the last sinews from the bones of a long-dead mermaid.”

“Onward we fly to where the delegates lie,” she told reporters at LaGuardia Airport, as 100 or so creatures of the night hovered around her. “Let no man, woman or beast stand in our way.”

“Hie thee hither, and hie thee yon,” she said before boarding her private jet and being whisked away into the sky, flanked by six or seven of her closest fire-spitting aides and trailed by hundreds of winged volunteers who have joined her in recent weeks with the promise of warm blood.

Political analysts predict that because Clinton’s total delegate count stands at 1862 — nearly 700 ahead of rival Bernie Sanders  — the Vermont senator might resort to what his campaign advisors call the nuclear option: making an issue of the fact that Clinton hasn’t been observed sleeping in nearly six months, and that cups of hot coffee reportedly freeze in her hands.