‘Chewbacca Mom’ arrested for mauling stormtrooper

 

'Chewbacca Mom' arrested for mauling Stormtrooper HOUSTON — Amid fits of maniacal laughter and indecipherable Wookiee speak, the woman known as “Chewbacca Mom” was arrested on Wednesday afternoon on suspicion of nearly chewing off the face of a man wearing a stormtrooper costume.

Houston Police Department spokesperson Sgt. Darren Law says that the victim, dressed in the plated white uniform of a “Star Wars” Galactic Empire soldier, had approached Chewbacca Mom Candace Payne at a cosplay event to take a selfie with her.

The 37-year-old mother — who was catapulted into stardom earlier this year after a video of her laughing while donning a Chewbacca mask went viral — apparently first tried to shoot the victim with her toy Wookiee bowcaster, but when it failed to launch a blaster bolt, she panicked and lunged at him.

“It was awful,” said event participant Lon Lee, 23, dressed in a yellow Pikachu costume. “By the time we realized that [Payne] was really gnawing on the [unnamed victim’s] face and that it was not part of a charade, it was too late. There were shreds of his plastic stormtrooper mask and puddles of blood everywhere.”

Payne’s many supporters are calling for leniency, saying that she simply buckled under the pressure of her newfound fame and the thousands of the Chewbacca-themed gifts — including a life-size replica of a Millennium Falcon toilet stall and a condom said to have been used by Han Solo during an encounter with a tailed, orange prostitute named Klimpqua from the jungle planet Umpqt — lavished upon her.

The victim, a 44-year-old professional gamer who lives with his parents in a Houston suburb, has been administered a rabies vaccine and is reportedly undergoing emergency medical treatment for severe facial lacerations.

When asked by reporters if Payne would help to pay for the victim’s reconstructive surgery, Payne’s lawyer Ross Slickerton seemingly apologized for her behavior, saying, “Uughguughhhghghghhhgh huhuuurh aaaaahnr awwwwggggghhhh raaahhgh uughghhgh.”