‘Celebrity’ turns out to be nothing more than host for virus

Angelina Jolie chickenpox / chicken pox photoA woman previously regarded as a glamorous Hollywood star has been revealed as a fraud and a phony after she was forced to admit that she is nothing more than a host for the varicella-zoster virus, which has caused her skin to be covered in blisters that observers say are oozing “infection soup.”

Angelina Jolie, known for being Billy Bob Thornton’s ex-wife as well as for playing Lara Croft in the “Tomb Raider” series, was called out by the public after a photographer snapped a photo of the 39-year-old sporting unsightly spots just below her neck.

In a confessional video uploaded to YouTube, Jolie said that she could no longer hide the truth: that she’s ill with chickenpox.

“I’m sorry that I’ve lied to everyone,” she said. “I did my best to make everyone think I was perfect and totally immune to everyday things, and that my skin was like delicate silk made by the most virginal of silkworms.”

“So now, gaze at the real me: teeming with disease and covered in hideous festering boils,” she hissed, clawing at her face before limping off camera.

Observers cite a careful application of makeup and thousands of non-disclosure agreements as the secret to keeping her real appearance concealed.

This is the second time a major celebrity has been exposed as a revolting impostor. In 1997, screen legend Marlon Brando had to admit he had gained weight after a witness called police to report she had observed an angry water buffalo charging around the grounds of the actor’s Los Angeles home.