Power & Privilege

News from Washington D.C. and other centers of power where brave politicians and expert bureaucrats do what's best for us -- because they can

Actual, robust Hillary being held captive in RNC headquarters

  WASHINGTON — Vowing to escape in time for the November elections and expose the sickly impostor who has taken her place as Democratic presidential nominee, the real and physically fit Hillary Clinton has yet again scaled the 16-foot walls of her enclosure at the Republican National Committee headquarters to survey her surroundings. “Wake up […]

Trump now apologizing for past insults … just like Hitler did!

  Self-trained historians are confirming that Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump’s clumsy attempt to appear remorseful for past bad behavior does not prove that he is a nice guy, and in fact, it shows quite the opposite. Trump recently offered a sort of apology for having insulted so many people during the course of his campaign, saying […]

Hillary inches closer to flushing away turd left in White House toilet 16 years ago

  Buoyed by polls that show her in a strong lead over rival Donald Trump, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is expressing hope that she will soon be able to flush away a turd that she accidentally left in a White House toilet at the end of her husband’s second term. Clinton opened up to […]

‘And no schwag this time,’ Malia orders Secret Service agent

  WASHINGTON — First Daughter and recreational smoker Malia has reportedly sent Carl Goodwynn, a six-year veteran of the Secret Service, back into the city after the marijuana he procured for her proved to be of poor quality. “And no schwag this time,” the 18-year-old firstborn of Barack and Michelle Obama shouted as the agent […]

What does Eminem think about father Mike Pence as Trump’s running mate?

  In what could be a first for the world of hip-hop, the father of celebrated rapper Eminem — longtime Indiana politician Mike Pence — has been chosen by presidential candidate Donald Trump to be his running mate. What does Eminem — born Marshall Pence VI — think about it? Dandy Goat correspondent Richard Omega […]

Embarrassing! Obama accidentally launches into ‘racism lecture’ instead of ‘sympathy speech’

  DALLAS — In what’s being called “the biggest gaffe since he referred to German chancellor Angela Merkel as ‘Mr. Merkel, sir,’” President Obama began to read the wrong speech in Dallas on Tuesday at a memorial for five officers who were killed in last week’s attack. “My fellow Americans, it’s with great frustration that I, […]

Israel and US schmooze about Arabs and Indians

  Rabbi Irgun Kahane-Ariel, Israel’s Deputy Minister for Occupation Affairs, sat down with George Armstrong Winthrop, Acting Director of the U.S. Bureau of Indian Affairs, for their annual confab in Washington, D.C. A partial transcript of their conversation became available to the Dandy Goat. K-A: Shalom! “Ma nish” (What’s up?), my friend. Hey, did you hear […]

‘Kill me now,’ a possessed Sanders begs after endorsing Hillary

  Hissing that the camera lights were burning his eyes, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) appeared with Democratic rival Hillary Clinton on Monday to announce the end of his presidential ambitions and plead for party unity. “There is no Bernie,” Sanders managed to say between clenched teeth after several minutes of strained attempts to communicate. “Only […]

President Obama awkwardly hits up nation for gas money

  WASHINGTON — Admitting that even U.S. presidents sometimes blow through all their executive funds sooner than expected, President Obama appeared in a televised address on Tuesday evening to ask the nation for some gas money. “My fellow Americans, I really hate to do this to you, and I know you’re going to judge me, […]

Senator strikes deal with God over refugees

  Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.), arguably the most pitiless opponent of refugee resettlement in the United States, has undergone a stunning change of heart.  In a tearful interview with Oklahoma City’s KOFO-TV’s Channel 4 news, Inhofe said, “God spoke to me in a dream last night and said, ‘Jim, emigration to your own celestial home depends upon your easing the way for the […]

Outrage as Trump supporters use own inert bodies to attack demonstrators

  ANYWHERE, Calif. — Supporters of presidential candidate Donald Trump are again being criticized for their violent behavior, this time outside a rally where they allegedly threw themselves into the defensively clenched fists and protectively outstretched feet of young demonstrators. “You’d expect this sort of thing at an underground cage fight in a favela in […]

New York Times sure this the biting editorial to sink Trump for good

  Members of the New York Times editorial board have penned an unprecedented 1500-word piece they believe will derail Donald Trump’s presidential ambitions, as revealed during an interview the newspaper’s editors granted to the Dandy Goat.   Slated to be published next week, the editorial masterfully combines erudition, factual analysis, exemplary prose and just enough swagger to persuade […]

North Carolina Bathroom Bill: Dandy Goat cartoon from May 10th, 2016

Dandy Goat cartoon from May 10th, 2016.

Nagasaki feeling burned over Hiroshima’s fame

As the Japanese city of Hiroshima prepares to bask in the glow of a US presidential visit — and deal with the fallout of what has become a political controversy in America as rumors abound that Barack Obama is planning to apologize for the dropping of the first atom bomb in 1945 — the occasion […]

Elizabeth Warren ‘on the warpath’ over Trump nomination

In a move that could spell heap big trouble for the Republican party, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has recruited Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) to go on the attack against putative GOP nominee Donald Trump. The arrangement was apparently confirmed at a top-level pow-wow last week. Analysts believe that Clinton and Warren, previously at odds […]

Clinton: I’ll release Wall Street transcripts when Sanders discloses speech to Vermont cycling club

Facing unrelenting pressure to release transcripts of speeches she made to Goldman Sachs in 2013 — for which she was paid $675,000 — Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton says that she will act when her opponent, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders, does the same. “In 2007, Bernie Sanders was invited to speak at a second-hand bicycle sale […]

Bernie Sanders to endorse Trump

  Now that Donald Trump has effectively secured the Republican presidential nomination, he has indicated that he will try to unify his 16 former opponents behind his candidacy. Or at least unify the four of them who didn’t say really, really mean things about him during the campaign. So far, none of Trump’s former major […]

Will the Bernie Bra put an end to inequality? Short answer: hell yes

Left-leaning fashionistas are going crazy for the hottest new accessory, a free undergarment called the Bernie Bra.   Woven from locally sourced organic hemp, the full-cup brassiere is reminiscent of the cumbersome harnesses that women in the 1960s burned to show their dissatisfaction with being viewed as horses in need of a bridle, so the […]

Clinton and staff fly to next stop

NEW YORK — Amid loud proclamations that her Democratic rival is all but vanquished, a beaming Hillary Clinton departed from New York on Wednesday, celebrating her primary win in the state and promising to devour remaining delegates “like a griffin plucking the last sinews from the bones of a long-dead mermaid.” “Onward we fly to where the […]

Trump campaign in damage control mode after accidental nice tweet

Donald Trump’s campaign is frantically trying to lure back supporters after the presidential candidate tweeted a photo of a kitten snuggling with a fawn. “We are all God’s children,” the tweet read. “Let’s treat each other with compassion and respect. Love is key!” Even though the tweet was quickly deleted, by Monday morning screenshots of […]