Leisure & Style

Articles about fashion, art, entertainment, travel, and other topics that are pleasant to ponder

What does Eminem think about father Mike Pence as Trump’s running mate?

  In what could be a first for the world of hip-hop, the father of celebrated rapper Eminem — longtime Indiana politician Mike Pence — has been chosen by presidential candidate Donald Trump to be his running mate. What does Eminem — born Marshall Pence VI — think about it? Dandy Goat correspondent Richard Omega […]

Awww! Woman finds adorable Pokémon in alley next to own neglected children

  CROWN POINT, Ind. — Pokémon enthusiast and mother Jill Cakewalker, 36, says that she was “astounded” after Pokémon Go led her to an alley miles from home where she found her own children — whom she had forgotten to feed for a full three days after becoming obsessed with the hit game over the […]

The Silence of the Lambs, starring Ronaldo and a moth

From Dandy Goat unpaid intern Richard Omega comes a new thriller about the Euro 2016 championship — guaranteed to frighten every Cristiano Ronaldo fan at their very core. One man, one moth, one impossible desire.

Unrecognizable! ‘Bridget Jones’ star reveals shocking new look … again!

Giving a middle finger to critics who have been saying for years that she’s been rendered virtually unrecognizable after successive cosmetic surgeries, “Bridget Jones” star Renee Zellweger has drastically changed her looks … again! Zellweger, 47, was spotted on Friday by savvy Dandy Goat photographer Richard Omega while she was shopping in trendy Cabo San […]

Polish soccer hooligans try to start riot in wrong city

  PARIS — Polish soccer hooligans who had travelled to France for the Euro 2016 championship tried in vain to start a massive brawl before their team’s match against Ukraine, only to learn that the opposing team’s supporters were not present because the Poles were in the wrong city altogether. Tomasz N. says that he […]

Sisterly bonding: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fuse

  Celebrity twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are now closer than ever, thanks to a rare but relatively harmless conjoining of the face and torso that has occurred during the last few months. The sisters revealed their new look at a New York political fundraiser party held by publisher Franklin J. Dubbles, who applauded them for […]

ISIS just going to stand aside and let soccer fans kill each other

  Following days of rampant hooliganism and violence at Euro 2016, a spokesperson for ISIS — which had hoped to carry out attacks at the month-long championship — says the terror organization will instead just let soccer fans destroy each other. “Our plan was years in the works,” said Western European project coordinator Akmed al-Buttholi. […]

Millions urged to show therapists where Johnny Depp hurt them

  In what’s being called the largest case ever of widespread butthurt, millions of people around the world are claiming to have been somehow abused by Johnny Depp, prompting therapists to ask them to show on a doll where the actor touched them. “[Depp] keeps agreeing to do ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ sequels even as they […]

Everyone who gushed over ‘The Alchemist’ still totally enlightened

  Anyone who has ever read and gushed over Paulo Coelho’s 1988 novel “The Alchemist” is still totally enlightened and has achieved his or her dreams, according to a study by the Nathaniel Dubbles Institute for Higher Consciousness.  Mary Piggott, 26, a former barfly once described as “irredeemably pathetic” by her family, read the novel in […]

There truly is a card for every occasion

  Perpetually on the lookout for another market niche, the greeting card giant Hallmark Cards, Inc. has unveiled a new entry. One would have thought that a card already exists for any contingency, but, in a flash of business-school avarice, Hallmark’s crack marketing team identified space for another lucrative profit center: cards for motherfuckers. To […]

Leicester triumphs as Dorkinghamshire United unable to beat Tittleton City

  LEICESTER, England — Fans of British soccer team Leicester celebrated on Monday as rival Dorkinghamshire United failed to defeat Tittleton City, giving Leicester the top rank in the Precious League. “We kick ball good,” team captain and midfield keeper Juan Schmidt-Nielsen said, explaining how the team overcame 5000 to one odds of taking first […]

Touching: fan offers tribute to Prince by paying for his music

  ST. LOUIS — A Missouri man is honoring Prince in the most emotionally moving way possible: by paying to listen to the late singer’s music. Prince fan Kevin Fenske, 41, says that over the years he has downloaded “six or seven” albums, hundreds of hours of bootlegged concert videos, and that only last month […]

Hero returns after week of saving refugee children, or something

NEW YORK — The nation paused on Tuesday to celebrate the return of Kelly Ripa, a hero who had gone missing for a week. “I’m back,” declared the ABC host, whose unexplained week-long absence from “Live” plunged the nation into fears that something terrible had happened to the 45-year-old national treasure. Experts now believe that Ripa spent […]

Will the Bernie Bra put an end to inequality? Short answer: hell yes

Left-leaning fashionistas are going crazy for the hottest new accessory, a free undergarment called the Bernie Bra.   Woven from locally sourced organic hemp, the full-cup brassiere is reminiscent of the cumbersome harnesses that women in the 1960s burned to show their dissatisfaction with being viewed as horses in need of a bridle, so the […]

Madonna haunted by visions of own death in 75 to 100 years

  Pop music superstar Madonna says that she is left feeling “disquieted” whenever one of her peers dies, and that at such times she cannot help but to imagine her own death in 75 to 100 years’ time. “With the recent losses of David Bowie and Prince, dark thoughts about how I could meet my […]

Public torn about who in San Francisco dreadlocks smackdown video most idiotic

  A viral video that shows a social justice warrior berating a hippie for wearing dreadlocks while an effete hipster impassively looks on has divided the public about which person featured in the video is the most idiotic. Dandy Goat writer Richard Omega, 37, says that the hippie is clearly the most dimwitted of the […]

Belgium unsure if touched or offended by ‘solidarity fries’

  Admitting that the gesture is probably meant with the best of intentions, Belgium is dutifully offering its thanks for the outpouring of images of solidarity fries. French fries, called “chips” in old-timey anglophone countries like Britain and “frites” in francophone nations, have long been associated with Belgium, and since the deadly attacks in Brussels […]

Peyton Manning taken to rescue home

  The director of a suburban Denver shelter has confirmed that former Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning was rescued just minutes before he was scheduled to be euthanized. Instead, the 39-year-old NFL all-time leader for passing yards will now spend the remainder of his life in Greener Fields, a home for aging or injured NFL players […]

Sharapova suffers medical emergency after quitting drug

  Cursing anti-doping officials for obliging her to stop taking the banned substance meldonium, which she claims she needed out of medical necessity, tennis star Maria Sharapova’s head has swollen into a bright green orb. “Look what you’ve done to me,” the 28-year-old Russian said in front of gasping journalists. “I tried to tell everyone […]

DiCaprio dedicates Oscar to victims of bear rapes

  LOS ANGELES — In his acceptance speech at the Academy Awards on Sunday night, a teary Leonardo DiCaprio dedicated his best acting Oscar to victims of bear rapes. “It’s not easy for any man to talk about getting sexually assaulted by a giant grizzly bear, no matter how macho or strong you think you […]