Call Me Larry/Larri!

Advice from Larry/Larri, our expert on love, sex, post-postmodernity ... and everything in-between!

In memoriam: The Dandy Goat

The world of free online content is mourning the loss of a rising star. The Dandy Goat, which has published more than 800 articles since its launch in June of 2013 and was praised by readers as “lol” and “lmao,” has died following the institutionalization of its founder and publisher, Franklin J. Dubbles. Richard Omega, […]

I want to start a rumor that someone has an STD

Dear Larry/Larri – I’m a former politician and cabinet member who’s testing the waters for a 2016 presidential run. Last week during an interview, a mean journalist embarrassed me in front of the country by implying I only decided to support same-sex marriage because it’s politically advantageous. How can I best get revenge against this […]

My hot 3-month affair with Joaquin Phoenix is destroying my life

Dear Larry/Larri, Everyone’s talking about that movie “Her” in which Joaquin Phoenix plays a guy who falls in love with Samantha, his computer’s operating system. This story hits very close to home, and it’s causing me no shortage of heartbreak. I desperately need your help. I’m a Windows 98 operating system, and I belonged to […]

I’m an 83-year-old virgin and I want to have sex

Dear Larry/Larri, I’m an 83-year-old man, and I’m a virgin. The other day it dawned on me that I’d like to have sex with a woman, but I don’t know how to do it. Any advice? Aging Gentleman Expecting Disaster Don’t worry, AGED. It’s never too late to fornicate, but you will require my tutelage. […]

Sensitive boyfriend says sexist things while sleeping

by Terry/Terri Garibaldi Dear Terry/Terri, I’m 22 years old and a student. This month, I’m graduating cum laude with a BA in English from a prestigious college in New York that my middle-class parents worked their asses off to send me to. They still live in the small Texas town where I grew up, and […]