BuzzFeed quizzes now ‘100 percent random shit’

BuzzFeed Quizzes suck: spoof, parody, jokeHaving exhausted all possibilities how to categorize one’s personality, BuzzFeed writers are now just composing random quizzes to yield results that mean nothing, sources have revealed.

One recent example was a quiz “What Type of Welding Tool Are You?”, and the results are based on questions about your elementary school teachers and the color of your preferred sandwich condiments.

Another popular quiz that means nothing is “Which Murdered Rapper’s Face Should You Have Tattooed On Your Child’s Back?”,  based on questions about your blood type and sleeping habits.

Paul Aldrin, head of BuzzFeed’s vast quiz department, defends the latest crop of quizzes. He insists the hundreds of people who wrote them are not getting burned out, but rather are creative pioneers in the important field of personality description.

“Sadly, a mere 10 years ago, very few people knew which extinct mammal would have made a great pet for them,” he said. “Heck, I didn’t even know which Rocky Horror Picture Show characters I should have asked my wedding guests to dress up as until I made a quiz that told me.”

“It’s a great time to be alive,” he added.