Ben Affleck, Bill Maher argue about who’s the bigger douche

Bill Maher v. Ben Affleck on Islam - douche parody A routine debate about religion and politics on Friday’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” erupted into a heated argument between Maher and guest Ben Affleck about which man is the bigger douche.

“Are you the person who understands the officially codified doctrine of douchiness?” Affleck said.

“Actually, I am quite familiar with the doctrine, because I invented it,” Maher said. “I’m a smug provocateur who pretends he’s propelled by progressive rationality, but I actually just parrot trendy ideas in really cocky way to piss everyone off to get them talking about me, in order to boost my show’s ratings and prove I’m still very much relevant.”

“I’m clearly a bigger douche,” he said.

“Jesus, it’s an ugly things to say,” Affleck said. “I’m a smug screen actor who has starred in a few hits but mostly misses whose minor stardom has disabled his capacity to understand that no one actually gives a shit about his politically-correct pronouncements derived from a belief system that could have been based on a single episode of ‘Sesame Street.’”

“I’m a way bigger douche,” he said.

The two men continued to verbally spar, leaving the other panelists baffled as to who is actually the bigger douche. The argument only ended when Maher and Affleck ran out of things to say and began looking for a teleprompter.

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