Apple CEO appears naked for event

In a move that surprised even other company executives, Apple CEO Tim Cook appeared naked at Tuesday’s event in Cupertino, California.

“Nudity,” he said, tiptoeing across the Flint Center for the Performing Arts stage to lukewarm applause. “We’re born clothesless, yet the world tells us we must cover ourselves, but why? Why should we be ashamed of our skin, that incredible, protective organ that nature has literally bestowed upon us?”

“Some of us take selfies in the buff, and sometimes we ask others to snap those photos for us, because we’re very much at ease with the way we look,” Cook said. “And hey, that’s okay. And there’s no reason why iCloud shouldn’t continue being your preferred cloud storage service.”

He went on to introduce the company’s newest innovation, the Apple Watch, a smartwatch to be worn around the wrist — that can only be a huge success, given the relentless need to know the time. Cook also excitedly reviewed the company’s two new smartphones, the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus, which, at 4.7 inches and 5.5 inches, are significantly bigger than earlier models that had been disappointing consumers due to their small size.