AC/DC drummer’s charge of hiring a hitman dropped after he sends assassins to intimidate court

AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd charges dropped - spoof, parody, satireWELLINGTON, New Zealand — AC/DC member Phil Rudd’s charge of “attempting to procure murder” has been dropped, just hours after the legendary drummer sent hitmen to make an unannounced late-night visit to advisors of the Crown Solicitor in Tauranga, according to Rudd’s lawyer.

Attorney Paul Mabey said his client is “so totally beyond innocent” of the charge of trying to arrange the murder of two men, that Rudd had no choice but to take precautionary steps by planning to take out everyone involved in putting together a case against him.

A shaky spokesperson for Hollister-Jones, the law firm that represents the government, said around midnight last night, several thuggish members of Rudd’s legal team showed up, insisting their client was innocent and that they would carry out Rudd’s order to “blow everyone’s brains out” to prove it.

“In light of the convincing argument, we had no choice but to advise the Crown Solicitor to drop the charge,” the spokesperson said.

Attorney Paul Mabey lauded the move as a victory for justice.

“Mr. Rudd has suffered greatly from these baseless charges that sparked widespread sensationalistic reporting, damaging his reputation and doing great harm to his psyche,” Mabey said. “As an innocent victim of a smear campaign, Mr. Rudd had no other recourse than to murder those who would see him rot in prison for a crime he did not commit.”

AC/DC guitarist Angus Young went through a similar ordeal in 1979, when he faced charges in Great Britain that he had “fucking murdered that guitar solo, man” during a sold-out concert at Wembley Stadium as part of the band’s “Highway to Hell” tour.